April 28, 2009
Posted by Wyatt
In Memoriam: The Sick Day
It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of a true American legend: Sick Day. Sick Day was diagnosed with terminal neverstopworkingitis three years ago. It seems the disease was hereditary, taking his mother, Personal Day, just three years earlier (though sightings of Personal Day have been reported in some public schools).
Many speculated at the demise of the Sick Day shortly after the boom of the internet, though none could predict the magnitude of this untimely loss. If you can recall, workers with hacking coughs, spur of the moment vomiting, and explosive diarrhea at one time could phone in early in the work day and announce their calamity. With the prevalence of broadband, network cards and laptop computers, even the sickest of sick can at the least respond to work-related email, if not more. When asked about the loss of Sick Day, Senior Management just had this to say (via BlackBerry), “Sick Day will always be with us in our hearts. What was your cell number again?”
Due to lack of funding a for neverstopworkingitis, a cure for this genetic disease is not likely (though unverified sources tell me that Europe has managed to keep the disease at bay).
Sick Day is survived by his father, Vacation Day, and his son, Mental Health Day (though both have been confirmed as carriers of the mutant gene).
Memorial services will be held Friday from 3-5PM at your local pub (with half price appetizers).
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